Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Movin' On Up (To the Next Pants Size)

This is big.

And by "this" I mean "me." I'm big. I'm as big as I've ever been.

It's been building for a while. I've been ever so slowly and steadily gaining weight. (I blame the donuts. And the fritters. And the quesalupas. And the triple cheeseburgers.)(But not the bacon. I never blame the bacon.)

I've reached the tipping point. I'm at the point where no one wants to be. I have to make a decision. I have two choices:

               A. I need to lose weight.
          Or 2. I need to go up a size in the waist of my pants.

It's a horrible feeling when you get to that point.

Oh, I've still got pants that I can wear. I've had them for a while and they are nicely worn in enough that I can always get them buttoned, as long as I suck in my gut as far as is humanly possible. The problem is that I've had these jeans long enough that they are on the verge of moving from "worn in" to "worn out." The other day I lost a pair when, while trying to get the button into the button-hole, the button ripped right out of the jeans.

Almost there! (Just need to suck that gut in a little bit more!)
[NOTE: This is the second time I've asked my wife to take a picture of my crotch. (Once more and I think it'll officially creep her out.)]

If I go to the store to get a new pair of jeans the size I am currently wearing, they don't even come close to buttoning. If I want a new pair of jeans, I'm going to have to go up a size.

Or, lose some weight. It is possible. I've done it before. (See: The Man With the Watermelon In His Shirt.) I know what needs to be done. Losing weight is simple. It really just comes down to two things: 1) watching what you eat; and B) exercising.

Basically, it's being motivated and disciplined enough to do those two things. I've started playing basketball in the mornings again, but that's only two days a week. I need to get something going on the other days of the week, too. And, I'll have to cut back on the donuts. (I should probably keep it to under a dozen a week.)

Time is running out. I've only got two pair of jeans I can still squeeze myself into. I've got to lose the weight now before I'm forced to go to the store and move up a size. And I don't care what George Jefferson says, this is one time that I don't want to be "movin' on up!"

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