The Two-Step Never-Fail Weight Loss Program

Over 417 billion dollars* are spent annually in the United States on weight loss products and weight loss programs. (*On this blog, over 87.4% of all statistics are made-up numbers that I pulled out of my head.) That's a lot of money. It's being spent on Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig and self-help books and abdom-i-crunchers.

People are fat and they want to lose weight. I know. I'm one of them. But, you don't have to spend all that money on those programs and books and such. I'm going to give you, right here for free on this blog, the "Slow Joe Two-Step Never-Fail Weight Loss Program." It's been working for me. I've lost over 30 pounds in a little over a year. And now you can have my secret of success free of charge!

Here is the Slow Joe Two-Step Never-Fail Weight Loss Program:

Step 1: Watch what you eat.

Step 2: Exercise.

You will see results! (Just not my results.)

There it is. It's simple and it's effective. And the thing is, we all know it's true. Deep down, we know that's all there is to it. We spend the money on the programs and the books and the products. We look at the Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley infomercial and think, "I can do that for 15 minutes a day, and then fold up the machine and slide it under the bed." (Note: those types of machines never get stored under the bed. Instead, they end up as basically an extension of your closet, a place to store clothes without the annoyance of having to use a hanger.) We're spending the money, but we don't really need to.

We know what we need to do, we just need the proper motivation to do it. My motivation for losing weight came last summer. We were on vacation at Bryce Canyon. We were having a good time, until I saw the picture. It was a picture of some guy holding my daughter. The guy looked a lot like me, except it appeared he had some kind of watermelon/basketball hybrid under his shirt. (It couldn't have been me in the picture, because there is no way I was ever that fat!)

Once you find your motivation, all you have to do is follow the two steps of my two-step program. Begrudgingly, I guess this is where all of the programs, books, and products can come into play. (Truth be told, a friend gave me a book which has helped me in getting a better handle on watching what I eat.) Early morning basketball has helped out with Step 2.

If the "Slow Joe Two-Step Never-Fail Weight Loss Program" isn't motivational enough, I've got another program you can try. It's the "Extreme Slow Joe Two-Step Never-Fail Weight Loss Program." It goes like this:

Step 1: Stop cramming so much junk in your pie hole!

Step 2: Get your lazy butt off of the couch and go do something!

Good luck!