Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Rocket Mortgages and Donut Housework!!!

We've all done it. We've all been sitting around watching television and we'll see a commercial and think, "That has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen." Well, it's not, because there is always something dumber.

The other day I saw a couple of really dumb commercials for a really dumb product. And while I'm sure they weren't the dumbest commercials ever, they were pretty darn dumb.

The first of the two commercials starts with words floating in a cloudy sky. (Here's a link: Mort.) (It's just a 30 second spot, so you can take a quick look.) The words floating in the clouds one after another are:
With the word "Mortgage" still on the screen, a man's voice says, "Of all the 'mort' words, and there are some doozies, that's the worst one. So, we added 'rocket.'"  A rocket then bursts through the clouds, and the words "Rocket Mortgage" appear on the screen.

Rocket Mortgage! 
In the second commercial (here's a link: Rockets), words appear on the screen in front of a lengthy rocket launch. The words say:
"Do you like mortgages?"
"Do you like rockets?"
"Do you like rocket mortgages?"
"I'm listening"
"Of course you are"
"Everyone likes rockets"

These commercials are for a product from Quicken Loans called a "Rocket Mortgage." Apparently the idea is that you push a button on your smart phone and immediately get a loan. I have no idea if the rocket mortgage is a good thing or not (but I have my suspicions.) What I do know is that the commercials for it are pretty logically flawed.

The whole gist of the commercials is:
     Mortgages are bad.
     Rockets are good.
     Rocket Mortgages are good.

Let's take a look at that formula for a moment. Something is bad. Something else is good. We add the good thing to the bad thing, and suddenly the bad thing is good! Really, it's a pretty good formula. Why don't we try it on something else?

Do you like homework?
Do you like puppies?
Do you like puppy homework?
Of course! Everyone loves puppies!

Do you like taxes?
Do you like bacon?
Do you like bacon taxes?
Of course! Everyone loves bacon! (I may have just given Donald Trump an idea.)

Do you like housework?
Do you like donuts?
Do you like donut housework?
Of course! Everyone loves donuts!

Everyone loves Donut Housework!!!
Did I eat this donut after I had it sitting in a filthy dust pan? Yes. (That's what the wax paper is for.)

Was this entire column an elaborate ploy to give me an excuse to go to the store and get myself a donut? Yes.

I love Donut Housework!!! (Thanks, Rocket Mortgages!)

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