Thursday, May 22, 2014

The Honeymoon Is Over

Today is a big day! My sister-in-law is getting married!

(Congratulations, Kimmie and Colten!!!)

I'm very happy for them. I'm also very happy that The Groom has a plan for their honeymoon. He's keeping it secret from The Bride until after the wedding. All he has told her is that she might need her passport. And then, the day after the wedding, they will leave for their fun-filled honeymoon trip to someplace-or-other! He has it all planned out.

I didn't.

When The Wife and I got married, my honeymoon plan was: Let's drive south and see what we can find. (You're right, that wasn't actually a "plan," was it?)

To be fair, it seemed like a decent idea at the time. We got married in the middle of January in Utah. (They had the Winter Olympics here for a reason.) The day we got married it was bitterly cold. (Some have joked it was because of "hell freezing over before Joe ever gets married.")

So, having a honeymoon anywhere north, where it is even colder, seemed out of the question. "Driving south" seemed like a good idea.

St. George, Utah, is called as "Utah's Dixie." It is a popular destination because it is known to have much warmer temperatures than the rest of Utah. The word "balmy" has been used.

When we arrived in St. George on our honeymoon, the temperature was in the single digits and the palm trees were frozen.

From there we went to Zion's National Park and Bryce Canyon National Park. When we got out of the car to go to the visitor's center at Bryce Canyon, the temperature was -17. (That's 17 degrees below zero!!!) We barely got out of the car long enough to pose for a frozen picture to prove that we were there.

So cold. So very, very cold.
It was like Queen Elsa had been there on a rampage! (Sorry, my kids made me watch Frozen again yesterday.)

So, my honeymoon planning was not the best.

Another good point about actually planning the honeymoon: If you plan it, you probably won't end up spending a night at a Motel 6. (As a note to all future honeymoon-planning guys: No woman wants to stay at a Motel 6 on their honeymoon! What you may think of as "frugality" will actually come across as "cheap.")

So, I wish the happy couple the best today on their wedding day! I'm glad The Groom has a plan. As some of us have tried to guess what his plan is and where they are actually going on their honeymoon, we brainstormed what could be the worst places for a honeymoon. Here are some ideas:

*A pirate cruise to Somalia!
*A week of camping in Nebraska!
*Iceland! (Which actually wouldn't be that bad, because apparently it is quite green there.)
*Greenland! (Which actually would be bad, because it is pretty icy there.)
*Lake Titicaca! (Probably not a bad place; the junior high boy in me still just thinks it's funny to say.)

Or, they could just get in a car and drive south.