When you have two kids under three there is always a stain on your clothes. You might know where it came from; you might not. But, there will always be a stain. (At least one.) (The good news is that if you are responsible for the stain, you can blame it on your kids.)
When you have two kids under three you are obsessed with poop. Has he pooped yet? Did she poop too much? When was the last time she pooped? Do we need to change what she eats so she'll poop more often? Do we need to change what he eats so he he'll poop less often? Did the diaper contain the poop? I just washed my hands, so why do they still smell like poop? Can I just scoop the poop out of the tub and continue with the bath, or do I need to drain all of the water and start over again? (I'm going to stop with the poop questions here. Believe me, this doesn't even scratch the surface on the number of poop-related questions you'll ask if you have two kids under three!)
When you have two kids under three you never get a full night's sleep. Never. Even if they get a full night's sleep, you won't. You should, but you won't.
When you have two kids under three you will spend approximately 23% of your waking hours searching for missing toys. It might be the baby doll she must have before she'll go to bed. It might be that one toy phone that will appease him so he won't try to steal your phone for at least five minutes. It might be that one missing ring in the set of five stackable rings that all toddlers have. (There's always one missing! It's like when you try to name all seven of Snow White's dwarves: you can get them all but one.)
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| We are missing the One Ring. (Maybe Frodo took it?) |
When you have two kids under three you somehow can both look forward to and dread potty training. You dread it because you know it's going to be hours and hours of hard work, with a lot of messes to clean up. But you look forward to it because once it's done you might actually be able to spend a little less time thinking about poop. Potty training is like a surgery you know you need. It'll make you feel better when it's over, but that doesn't mean it won't be painful while you're going through it. (And for those of you who say you potty trained your kid in just one day: Shut up and go away!)
When you have two kids under three you'll clap and cheer a lot. You'll clap and cheer when they first learn to roll over, when they first learn to crawl, when they first learn to use a spoon, when they first learn how to turn on the toy vacuum, and when they first learn to clap and cheer themselves.
In fact, when you have two kids under three you'll do a whole lot of smiling! (Except for when you are thinking about poop.)
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