A Boy "Washes" His Hands

I was at a family get-together the other day when my brother-in-law told the story of watching his three year-old son washing his hands. I laughed until I cried. I hope this re-telling does it justice:

He approaches the sink.
He turns the hot water on.
He puts his hand under it.
He shakes the water off.
He adjusts the hot water.
He puts his hand under it.
He shakes the water off.
He turns the cold water on.
He puts his hand under it.
He shakes the water off.
He adjusts the cold water.
He puts his hand under it.
He shakes the water off.
He cups his hands and fills them with water.
He drops the water into the sink.
He cups his hands and fills them with water again.
He drops the water into the sink again.
He reaches for the soap.
He pumps the soap until a drop of soap is hanging down.

He looks at the soap.
He lets the soap drop into the sink.
He pumps the soap again.
He lets the soap drop onto his hand.
He puts his hands under the water and the soap rinses away.
He then rubs the soap, which isn't there anymore, onto his hands.
He holds his pinky finger under the water and (without soap) washes it.
He "washes" the next finger.
He "washes" the next finger.
He "washes" the next finger.
He "washes" his thumb.
He moves to the other hand and "washes" his thumb.
He "washes" his next finger.
He "washes" his next finger.
He "washes" his next finger.
He "washes" his pinky finger.
He holds his hands up and looks at them.
He cups his hands and fills them with water.
He drops the water into the sink.
He cups his hands and fills them with water.
He drops the water into the sink.
He shakes the water off of his hands.
He turns off the hot water.
He turns off the cold water.
He shakes the water off of his hands.
He rubs his hands on his dirty pants in order to dry them off.
(Elapsed time: 10 to 15 minutes.)

Contrast that with how my own five year-old washes his hands:
He turns on the cold water.
He doesn't turn on the hot water. (He's afraid of the hot water.)
He pumps the soap four or five times. (All the soap lands in the sink. None of it touches his hands.)
He darts his hands through the running cold water. (Meanwhile, the sink is filling with cold, soapy water, which he does not touch.)
He turns off the cold water.
He rubs his hands on his dirty pants in order to dry them off.
(Elapsed time: 10 to 15 seconds.)

It's a wonder there's not more disease in the world.


[Special thanks to my brother-in-law Jordan for telling me the story of his son washing his hands. My re-telling doesn't do it justice, because Jordan told it mimicking all of his son's hand motions, and it was hilarious.]