Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Having a Baby Is Not So Easy for the Dad, Either

Ten years ago this week my wife gave birth to our first child, and while it was a long, difficult experience for her, it wasn't very easy for me, either.

My wife was in labor for almost 24 hours. She was in pain or some level of discomfort for that entire time. But, hey, have you ever sat in one of those chairs they have for the fathers? The cushions of the chair pull out so they become a "bed." The problem is, it's not comfortable as a chair or as a bed. How do they expect a guy to sit in that nasty thing for so many hours? Sheesh!

They gave her an epidural, sticking her with a big needle in her back, and that didn't look like much fun. But, hey, I had to watch them do that to her, which wasn't real great for me, either.

There was a television in the room, but it was difficult to watch a show very well with all of the nurses going in and out and talking to my wife and making so much noise. And sometimes she'd yell out in pain and I'd miss an important plot point on the show. At one point I even offered to let my wife have the remote and choose what she wanted to watch, but for some reason she wasn't that interested in the television.

My wife was confined to her bed for the entire afternoon, night, and morning. But, hey, it's not like I could go very far, either. I was stuck in the room in that horrible bed/chair. Or, I could get up and walk to the bathroom. Or, I could go down to the little diner they had at the hospital and get myself something to eat. Or, venture to the hospital gift shop. But, I couldn't really leave the hospital, so that was pretty inconvenient.

Have you ever really looked in the hospital gift shop? Except for some candy bars, sodas, and juices, it's almost all flowers and stuffed animals. Is there anything in there for guys?

And, it's not like the hospital diner is going to be confused for a five-star restaurant. (Although, that bacon cheeseburger wasn't too bad.)

When it came time for her to push, I had to help coach her. I don't know how many times we had to count to ten. It got very repetitive and boring to keep counting to ten like that. Sure, I didn't work up a sweat like she was doing, but it still wasn't easy.

Neither fashionable nor comfortable.
I had to wear a weird jumpsuit, plus a cap and a mask. And, I had to have little booties over my shoes. The whole get-up was a bit uncomfortable. My wife, on the other hand, didn't have to wear nearly as much stuff.

And then, once the baby finally came, I had to follow the baby around to the side room where they weighed her, and to the nursery where they bathed her. Meanwhile, my wife got to just stay there in bed, relaxing. (Sure, at that moment the thing she wanted more than anything was to be able to see her baby and hold her, but kicking back in bed is pretty nice, too.)

Heck, they wouldn't even let me try to feed the baby that first day!

So, the next time you hear about how hard it is for the mother to have a baby, remember isn't so easy for the father, either!

[NOTE: I'm not this stupid! Everything I've written above is drenched in sarcasm. Looking back at all that my wife went through on that day ten years ago to bring our first baby to us, I'm amazed and impressed. I don't think I could have handled two percent of what she went through without crumbling like a wadded piece of paper and totally giving up. (And that's not even counting the nine months of pregnancy and all the vomiting and discomfort involved in that!) I'm amazed, impressed, and in awe of her, and I'm so glad for all she has done to bring our children here! (Even if those hospital chair/beds aren't very comfortable.)]

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