Wednesday, November 6, 2019

Nerds Are the Worst Halloween Candy

Halloween is over. (Thank goodness!) But, the Halloween candy is still around. Oh, the good stuff is already gone--the KitKat and Twix were devoured quickly--but there are still plenty of Smarties and Tootsie Rolls. Some Halloween candies will hang around for a while.

A recent survey said that candy corn is the worst Halloween candy. Candy corn is tri-colored sugar wax. It is not good. But, it's certainly not the worst Halloween candy. That spot belongs to Nerds.

If you don't know what Nerds are, consider yourself lucky. Nerds first appeared in 1983, making them a relative newcomer to the Halloween candy community. (Candy corn, by way of contrast, have been around since the invention of candles.)

As sands in the hourglass, so are the Nerds on the floor.

Why am I so down on Nerds? For one thing, they don't taste good. Nerds not only look like tiny little pebbles, they taste like tiny little pebbles. How many teeth have been broken by biting down on a Nerd? (I don't have an answer, but I'm sure Nerds have helped pay for many nice cars driven by many dentists.) And it's not just that Nerds are hard, they are also very small, so they get stuck in and around the teeth.

But, the biggest problem with Nerds is that they get everywhere. If you have kids, and those kids have Nerds, those kids will spill those Nerds. You can try to pick up all the Nerds that have spilled. You will not succeed. Even after you have picked up the spilled Nerds, there will still be spilled Nerds on the floor. They are the candy equivalent of sand from the beach. They are all-encompassing. They are everywhere. Once a package of Nerds has been opened in your house, there will always be Nerds in your house.

Also, each individual Nerd looks like a kidney stone. (Believe me, I know.)

If Nerds tasted good, they might be worth it. We put up with the sand from the beach because the beach is a fun place to be. Nerds aren't worth it. I'd rather have a waxy candy corn any day of the week.

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