Tuesday, June 11, 2019

On the Phone with a Parent

Have you ever tried to talk on the phone with a parent of young children? Good luck with that. Oh, you could have a perfectly nice conversation with them. Or, they might suddenly yell at one of their children in the middle of an otherwise normal sentence. Think of it as "parental tourette's."

It might go a little something like this:

BRENDA: "Hi, Joanie! How are you doing?"

JOANIE: "Great! It's so good to hear from you. How are things with you and Eddie?"

BRENDA: "We're doing fine. It's funny, we were talking about you just the other--Jimmy!!! Get off of the piano!!!--day."

JOANIE: "Oh really? Why was that?"

BRENDA: "Well, we were thinking about--I said get off of the piano!!! We don't climb on top of the piano!!!--going to the lake, and we were talking about that time we went with--Get that out of your mouth!!! Jenny, is that food? No, it's not! What do we put in our mouth? Only food! That's not food! Get it out of your mouth!!!--that time we went to the lake with you and Scott. That was a great time, wasn't it?"

JOANIE: "Yes, it was. Wow, how many years ago was that?"

BRENDA: "I think it was four or--Don't feed your banana to the cat!!! Cats don't eat bananas! No!!!--five years ago. I think I might have been pregnant with--Don't eat that!!! Once it's been in the cat's mouth, you can't put it in your mouth!!!--I think I was pregnant with Jimmy."

JOANIE: "Yes, that sounds right."

Getting an earful.
BRENDA: "Anyway, Eddie and I were wondering if you guys--Jimmy!!! She had that first!!! Give it back to her! She had it first!!!--wanted to go to the lake with us in a couple of weeks?"

JOANIE: "Hey, that sounds like fun. We haven't been to the--"

BRENDA: "I told you to give it to her!!! Jimmy!!! Now!!!"

JOANIE: "--lake since that time with you guys. We should do that. When are you planning on going?"

BRENDA: "We were thinking about heading out next Friday, then staying over--Don't put the pencil in your yogurt!!!--night and coming home sometime Sat--Take the pencil out of the yogurt!!! No, you can't eat that yogurt now!--Saturday evening. We were thinking of staying at that same cabin. What do you think?"

JOANIE: "That could be fun. I'll talk to--"

BRENDA: "Because you can't stir the yogurt with a pencil!!! That's why we have spoons!!!"

JOANIE: "--I'll talk to Scott and see what--"

BRENDA: "Because there's lead in the pencil!!! Lead isn't good for you!!! You can't eat yogurt with lead in it!!!"

JOANIE: "--he thinks."

BRENDA: "Okay. Let me know when you--Don't lick the pencil!!!--decide and we'll book the cabin."

JOANIE: "Umm, are you bringing the kids?"

BRENDA: "Because we don't lick pencils!!!--Of course we will. They'll love it at--Because I said so!!! And because a pencil is not food!!!--the lake. Jimmy loves to swim."

JOANIE: "Umm, I think I just remembered--"

BRENDA: "Do you want to go to time-out!?!"

JOANIE: "--that we have something to do that day. Maybe some other time."

BRENDA: "That's too bad. It'd be great to get together with you guys and do something."

JOANIE: "Yes, some other time. Well, I've got to--"

BRENDA: "Don't even THINK about giving that pencil to the cat!!!"

JOANIE: "--go now. I'll talk to you later."

BRENDA: "Okay. It's been great talking to you. Good--Jimmy!!! Don't fart on your sister!!!--bye."

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

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