Tuesday, July 19, 2016

The Day the Kid Eats More Than the Dad

I knew it would happen eventually. I just didn't think it would be so soon.

Apparently, every Friday The Wife gets bombarded with texts and/or e-mails from any and all of the pizza chains from whom we have ever ordered pizza. (For some reason they think if we ordered pizza from them once, we might do so again if they remind us how good their pizza was.)

Well, The Wife mentioned the texts to me, and we mutually agreed that pizza did sound good that night. (That I was scheduled to cook that evening certainly factored into the decision.) So, we had pizza.

And that's when it happened.

I'm a pretty big eater. (You don't get to over 250 pounds without the ability to pound down some food.) But, that night I ate four pieces of pizza and thought, "You know, I think I'm good." Meanwhile, Thing 2 (our six year-old son) started off with one piece of pizza. Then he asked for another. Then he asked for another. Then, once again, he asked for another.

"Are you sure?" I questioned when he requested his fourth piece.

"Yes," he said, confidently.

And he was sure. He quickly pounded down that fourth piece of pizza.  He even ate all the crust, which is something he doesn't always do. And, since he outscored me with the garlic bread, that meant that my six year-old son actually ate more food than I did!

I thought about mounting a comeback. I thought about just slamming one more piece of pizza in my mouth to make sure I maintained my manly dominance. But, my gut said "don't do it," and, for once, my brain actually listened.

No more leftovers!

I was surprised, but not completely shocked. There have been a couple of times when he's eaten more macaroni and cheese than me, but only because I let him. (He loves macaroni and cheese more than Kardashians love publicity, so, on occasion, I've let him have a bigger portion.) Still, I didn't think he would catch up to me on pizza. Pizza is in my wheelhouse.

This doesn't bode well for the future. Thing 1 (our eight year-old girl) can already come close to matching me when eating eggs or chili. (But not eggs and chili!) (It's an acquired taste.) Meanwhile, Thing 3 and Thing 4 both have a lot of untapped potential in the eating department. They'll eat more and more with every passing day.

The grocery bills could be debilitating. We might soon get to the point where we'll have to take out a loan to go bulk shopping at Costco! (And we'll really need to buy those 128 ounce cans of spaghetti sauce!)

And then there's the problem of leftovers. If the kids keep eating like this, there will be no leftovers! What am I supposed to do if there are no leftovers?

I might have to actually cook something!

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