Friday, May 13, 2016

My Baby's Wardrobe Malfunction

The other day my baby girl had a wardrobe malfunction.

It wasn't her fault, of course. It was mine.

You see, The Wife just got out all of the summer clothes for The Baby, so now when I go to pick out clothes for her there is a drawer full of skirts and shorts instead of the long pants that I had been putting on her. The problem is, it isn't just skirts and shorts; skorts are in that drawer, too. (Until recently, I hadn't even heard of skorts. If you said the word "skort" I probably would have thought you were talking about one of those spoon/fork combos they have at KFC.)

The day before I had put The Baby in a onesie and a skirt. She looked very cute and there was no problem with her outfit. The next day I once again put her in a onesie and a skirt. Something seemed a little strange, but I couldn't quite figure what it was.

And then, as I was changing her diaper I pulled off her skirt and noticed a red indentation line on the skin of her upper thigh. It was then that I realized what I had done: it wasn't a skirt, it was a skort, and I had put both of her legs through one of the leg holes for the skort! Oops! (Luckily she only wore it like that for a short time before I noticed it at the diaper change. Thank goodness for frequent pooping!)

My excuse? I'm a guy. I really have no idea what I'm doing trying to dress a girl.

It's a nice excuse, but it doesn't really cut it. Maybe if The Baby was my first girl, but she's not. I've already been to this rodeo. The Baby is my second girl. I really should have mastered the "dressing a girl" thing with the first one.

Unfortunately, the fact that I have two girls contributed to another wardrobe malfunction last fall. The problem was I mistook the seven year-old's denim shorts for the 11 month-old's long pants. I put The Baby in The Girl's shorts thinking they were baby long pants. And the thing is, I didn't notice for the entire day! Yes, the pant/shorts were quite big in the waste on The Baby, but she only crawled her way out of them a couple of times.

In my defense, can you guess which is the big-girl shorts and which is the baby pants?
It's not so easy, is it?
(The big girl shorts are on the right.)
There are inherent differences between boy clothes and girl clothes that I've learned over the years. (Usually I learned them by messing them up somehow.) For one thing, with guys there is no such thing as a "right sock" and a "left sock." Socks are socks. They are interchangeable. But, with girls, sometimes it does make a difference as to which foot the sock is on because they have some froofy flower thing or design of some kind that is supposed to be on the outside edge of the sock.

Another difference is that girls sometimes have big, outlandish pockets on the front of their pants. They look like back pockets, but they're actually front pockets. So, of course, I have had my daughter walking around with her pants on backwards many, many times.

Seriously, does that look like a front pocket or a back pocket?

I thought I was getting better. And then I stuffed both of my baby's legs into one leg-hole of her skort.

So, all I can do is keep trying to do my best. And don't worry, I'm sure my daughters will get their revenge when I'm old. I'll be the one at the rest home with his pants on backwards.

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