My Lawn? It's Just Dandy

Here's a question for you lawn care enthusiasts: Do they make a product called "Feed the Weed?"

I ask this because a couple of weeks ago I bought a product that I thought was called "Weed and Feed." It's supposed to have a two-fold purpose: A) kill the "Weed" and 2) "Feed" the grass.

So, I looked at and followed the directions on the bag and spread the stuff all over my yard. And then I waited for the weeds to die. And I waited. And I waited. And I waited.

They didn't die. Not only didn't they die, they seemed to flourish. They may have even started to multiply. There were seemingly more weeds after I applied the "Weed and Feed" than there were before. That's why I wonder if I used the wrong stuff. Everything would make more sense if I had somehow purchased a bag of "Feed the Weed" by mistake.

[Just to be clear, when I say "weed" I am mostly referring to dandelions. (I am not referring to marijuana. There has never been marijuana growing in my yard.) (That I know of.)]

There always seems to be at least one yard in the neighborhood where the dandelions are out of control. In our neighborhood, that yard is mine. Before you judge me too harshly, let's first consider the reasons it's good to have dandelions in the yard:

1) If it weren't for the dandelions, what would the kids pick when they want to make a bouquet for me or their Momma? Would they pick the real flowers? Or the neighbors' flowers? It's a good thing to have those dandelions around.

2) Blowing the white, fluffy seeds off of the dandelion has been a favorite pastime of kids for generations. Who am I to stand in the way of generations of childhood fun?

C) They add some much-needed color to the yard. (Sometimes a good green yard can be a little too green.)

D) After reading The Lorax by Dr. Suess, and then seeing the movie, I'm afraid to hurt the dandelions because they remind me too much of the Truffula trees. (And no one wants to live in a world without Truffula trees!)

E) The bees need them for pollen. And bees are good, right?

Okay, okay, so the real reason I have so many dandelions is because I don't really like to work in the yard, and I'm not very good at it. Some people really like to work in their yard. They enjoy it. I tell those people they are welcome to come work in my yard any time they feel like it. They usually look at me like I'm crazy. (I probably am.)

But hey, I'm trying. I bought the "Weed and Feed," and I used it. (Unless, of course, it was "Feed the Weed.") It was supposed to kill them. It didn't. No matter what I do, they seem to come back. They're unstoppable, like the Terminator.

Really, I've only found one thing that is able to stop the return and growth of the dandelions: Winter! So, check back with me in December. I promise you there'll be no more dandelions. (For a while, at least.)