Friday, September 28, 2018

According To a New Study...

Farting is good!

Now there is scientific proof! The other day my wife saw a post on Facebook. It said:

"According to a new British study, passing gas may help you live longer and, in a surprise twist, smelling gas might prevent dementia.

Researchers found that when you pass wind, you're helping yourself out by lowering your risk of cancer, heart attacks, and strokes.

And, the main ingredient in it is hydrogen sulfate. Researchers believe inhaling it actually causes your brain to grow stronger and protects your brain from dementia."

See, there you have it: scientific proof! My farts are helping me live longer, and they're saving you from dementia.

You're welcome!

Of course, there are some who might be skeptical. After all, this is from a post on Facebook, and every once in a while Facebook posts contain information that isn't 100% accurate. (Although I am still holding out hope that Bill Gates will be sending me $100,000 for clicking "Like" and "Share" that one time.)

Is it possible that someone who was tired of getting complaints about all of his farts decided to make up his own "study" showing that farts are a healthy and wonderful thing? I know if I were making up a study, I'd probably cite British scientists because a) no one is going to bother to check which British scientists performed the study; and 2) everyone knows British scientists are awesome. (Just look at all the cool stuff they invent for James Bond.)

I can imagine some random dude saying to himself, "I'll make up a British study that will say that farts make me healthier and that my farts will keep you from going crazy!"

It kind of makes me want to make up my own "study." Here's one:

A scientific study out of Sweden finds that people who eat at least two strips of bacon a day are less likely to develop depression or other mental disorders, and are more likely to have a positive outlook on life.

Eating my way to better mental health!

Here's another one:

Researchers in Denmark have found that the more often men watch sports on television, the less likely they are to commit violent crimes.

And here's one for the ladies:

A Japanese study shows that the more different pairs of shoes a woman owns, the better her chances are of avoiding breast cancer.

Of course, it's quite possible that the fart study wasn't made up. It might be totally legit. And that is why I am going to keep farting. I'm not doing it for myself, I'm doing it to decrease dementia around the world.

I'm trying to keep people from going crazy, one fart at a time!

Edited from a post originally published on 5/31/2016.

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