Friday, June 16, 2017

Parenting 101


It's when the baby sleeps for more continuous hours between 1:00 PM and 3:00 PM than he did at any point between 10:00 PM and 7:00 AM.

It's when your oldest child gets upset at you for falling asleep while she's talking to you about picking out a hat for Dr. Seuss days, then trying to explain to her that you fell asleep not because her story was boring, but because the baby waking up seven times during the night made it so you got less than three hours of sleep the night before.

It's knowing where a binky is at all times.

It's when you ask yourself the question, "How much poop is too much poop in the bathtub?" (The answer, of course, is "any.") (But that doesn't mean you won't be tempted to just finish bathing the baby before draining all the water and cleaning out the tub.)

It's when you try to do your two year-old's hair, but she insists on having a comb and doing it herself, so you have to comb her hair while she is combing her hair, which means re-combing parts that she has already combed, and re-re-combing spots that you have already combed but she has uncombed.

It's when you don't notice the syrup stain from breakfast on your son's face until after he has returned from a full day at school.

It's when you're wearing your favorite shirt and look down and realize that some substance that oozed from your child has created a large, very noticeable stain that you may or may not be able to get out.

It's when you've spent weeks picking out and coordinating outfits for a family picture, and just as you are getting everyone posed you notice that the baby has pooped through the diaper.

Oops! We might have to change those clothes.

It's when you're at a national fast food chain and need to change a baby's diaper, but there isn't a diaper changing table in either restroom, so you end up changing the diaper on the seat of the booth you're eating at.

It's when, after the one minute walk to your car from the booth at the national fast food restaurant where you just changed your baby's diaper, you discover that your baby has pooped again and you have to change her on the driver's seat.

It's when you listen to the same two songs practiced on the piano approximately 1,397 times, then get dressed up to hear them one more time at a piano recital.

It's when you're having an awkward conversation through a bathroom stall at a crowded public restroom, trying to encourage your four year-old to finish on the toilet and not forget any of the steps he learned while potty training.

It's parenting. It's worth it.

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