Friday, November 18, 2016

Why Are These Superheroes So Angry?

"Why do all those superheroes look so angry?"

Cranky superheroes.

A while back I was wearing one of the shirts I got at Comic Con, and my daughter looked for a moment, then asked that question. "Why do all those superheroes look so angry?" It was a fair question. Taking a look at the shirt, it certainly appears that almost all of the superheroes are angry, or, at the very least, grumpy. Why?

Well, if you've ever posed for a big, group photo you probably know why. Those things are never much fun. The photographer is always telling you how to pose and telling you how to smile.  And then they take the picture when you are blinking. There's always that one person who keeps messing up the shot so you have to keep doing it over and over again. (Probably Spider-Man. That guy is always making wisecracks.) And, you can only suck your gut in for so long. (I'm looking at you, Wonder Man!)

Or, maybe it's something else. Let's look in a little closer at one section of the crowd. Captain America, Daredevil, the Punisher, and She-Hulk all look especially upset, and they're all standing in the general vicinity behind Ghost Rider. My bet is that Ghost Rider let out a nasty fart. It certainly is believable coming from Ghost Rider. (Or from Nicolas Cage as Ghost Rider.) It could definitely explain the look on Captain America's face.

Ghost Rider and his flaming farts!

And on a related note, it looks like dealing with the Hulk's gamma-enhanced farts is literally a herculean task. (Only Hercules dares stand behind him.) (And some guy with no nose.)

Dealing with Hulk farts is one of the 12 Labors of Hercules.

(You know, now that I look closely at this shirt, I realize I don't know who a bunch of these superheroes are. Apparently there's a regular Hulk, a She-Hulk, and a Bieber-Hulk. Who knew?)

If you mess up his hair he'll get really, really, really mad.

But, it's not just on this shirt that the superheroes all look angry. I got an Avengers cup as a gift recently, and on it, Captain America looks like the angriest person on the entire planet.

Captain America is the sentinel of liberty! He's the embodiment of the American spirit! Why in the world would he be so angry? (Maybe it was the presidential election? It didn't exactly bring out the best in everyone.) All I know is that Captain America shouldn't look angrier than the Hulk.
"More than 300 million people to choose from and those are the two best candidates you could come up with?"

So, for whatever reason, it appears all of the superheroes are irked. What can we do to cheer them up? I've got a few ideas:

*A day at the spa--Who wouldn't feel better after a nice massage? And everyone is happier after a soak in the hot tub. (Especially Namor.)

*Coloring books--Those adult coloring books are all the rage right now, and they are perfect for calming the inner rage of heroes and villains alike. "Color therapy" is soothing and relaxing, and sure to change that anger into contentedness. (Just be sure you have crayons big enough for the Hulk.)

*A day at Disneyland--It's the happiest place on earth, right? What better way to turn those grumpy heroes into cheerful champions? (Just be sure to not get into the same "It's a Small World" boat as Ghost Rider. That guy can really stink out the place!)

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