Friday, October 28, 2016

Little-Known Made-Up Facts (Election Edition)

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: One of the best things about little-known made-up facts is that you can just make them up as you go.

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: Hillary Clinton once stabbed Dan Rather in the hand with a steak knife when he mentioned the name of Monica Lewinsky at a state dinner.

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: Donald Trump has written three romance novels under the pen name of Beverly Sweet.

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: Tim Kaine once went through the McDonald's drive-thru, ordered three Big Macs, two small fries, seven apple pies, and a large Diet Coke and paid for it all with Canadian dimes.

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: In order to run as the Republican Vice Presidential candidate, Mike Pence had to quit his weekend job as a college football referee for the Big 12 Conference.

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: Hillary Clinton can bench press 320 pounds.

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: When he was growing up, Donald Trump had an imaginary friend he called "Trump."

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: Independent presidential candidate Evan McMullin once purchased a Chevy Chevette. Brand new. On purpose.

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: Libertarian Party candidate Gary Johnson has stated that, in his opinion, the greatest show in the history of television is Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place.

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: Hillary Clinton involuntarily grits her teeth and mutters under her breath whenever anyone utters the words "Obama" and "2008" in the same sentence.

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: Over the course of his lifetime, Donald Trump has gone through 32,429 packages of Tic Tacs. (He prefers the white ones.)

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: Green Party candidate Jill Stein appeared in the movie Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3: Viva La Fiesta! Her role is listed in the credits as "Store Clerk."

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: Because of his CIA training, Evan McMullin knows 14 different ways to kill a person using nothing but a box of Jell-O.

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: When Hillary Clinton was 12 years old she got a puppy for her birthday. She named the puppy "Mine."

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: Donald Trump has no idea how to use a washing machine. He has never operated one in his entire life.

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: As high school student body president, Tim Kaine was instrumental in getting Corn Nuts included in all of his school's vending machines.

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: The secret to Mike Pence's hair? Crest White Strips!

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: Hillary Clinton really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really wants to be President of the United States.

Little-Known Made-Up Fact: Donald Trump wants people to talk about Donald Trump.

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