Friday, August 9, 2019

Star Wars/Car Wash

I was thinking about Star Wars the other day. You know, Star Wars, the first movie, even though they try to call it things like "Episode 4," or "A New Hope." It was Star Wars when it came out, and it will always be Star Wars to me. (Because I'm old and I don't like change.) I'm talking about the movie that ends (forty-something year-old SPOILER ALERT) with Luke Skywalker flying down a space trench and hitting a small target in order to destroy the Death Star.

Anyway, if the rebellion had been depending on me to fly my x-wing down that space trench and make the shot to destroy the Death Star, they would have been out of luck.

I have a hard enough time pulling in to a car wash.

Use the force, Luke!
It looks simple enough: just drive forward and put the front driver-side wheel into the little tire-holder. Easy! They even have little yellow markers to help guide you on your way, plus some angled metal to help push the tire into the correct spot if you are off by a few inches.

Follow the yellow brick road.
You'd have to be a completely incompetent driver to not be able to get that front tire where it's supposed to go, right?

Not so fast, my friend! It might not be as easy as it looks. Why? Because as soon as you enter the car wash, your windshield gets sprayed with water, greatly decreasing your ability to see anything in front of you. Plus, as you approach the target you can no longer see it because your own vehicle blocks the view. When driving, you can't actually see where your front tire is, so all those yellow dots quickly become useless. (And it's not like you can stick your head out of the window to look, unless you want your face to get rinsed, soaked, and/or waxed.)

To see or not to see? (That is the question.)

In fact, flying down that space trench to destroy the Death Star might be easier, because you'd have R2-D2 to help guide you. At the car wash there is no R2 unit, just some kids in the back seat yelling, fighting, and/or screaming.

Sure, having Darth Vader and a squadron of tie-fighters trying to shoot you down would be a distraction, but so is that guy in line behind you, honking his horn because you're moving too slow.

So, yes, I'm afraid that if the rebel forces were relying on my piloting skills to bring down the Death Star, they would have been in trouble. There would still be a giant, moon-sized thing flying through that galaxy far, far away, blowing up planets and rebel bases with ease.

And my x-wing would still need a good washing.

Edited from a post originally published on 8/11/2017.

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