Take a Toddler to Dinner!

Are you planning a dinner party? Do you want it to be memorable? Yes? Well then, I've got a very important tip for you: Make sure you invite a toddler (or two.) Why? Because toddlers make the best dinner guests!

Here are just a few of the fun, exciting, and memorable things you can experience if you invite some toddlers to your dinner party:

*Who needs polite and interesting dinner conversation when you could be listening to a toddler scream "More boobies! More boobies!" over and over again? (And for added fun, don't explain to your dinner guests that when your toddler yells "boobies" what she really means is "blueberries.")

*Do you want to figure out which of your dinner guests are the smartest? It's certainly not the ones who choose to sit next to the toddler. (Unless, for some reason, they want to have food stains on their clothes.)

*Will any of your other dinner guests wear their plate as a hat, or comb their hair with a fork? Not likely.

You'll know for sure that the food was good when your dinner guest licks his plate!

*Is your favorite scene in the movie Animal House the food fight scene? You're in luck! Toddlers can fling food like you wouldn't believe!

*Do you want to see some of the most hard-line negotiating skills ever? It might go something like this:

ADULT: If you take one bite of this cheese, I'll give you a blueberry.
TODDLER: No! More boobies!
ADULT: But, you love cheese. I see you eat cheese all the time. You usually ask for cheese. If you just take one bite of cheese I'll give you a blueberry.
TODDLER: Noooooo!!! More boobies!!! More boobies!!!
ADULT: If you just touch the cheese I'll give you a blueberry.
TODDLER: Boobies!!! Boobies!!!
ADULT: I'm sorry, but I can't give you a blueberry unless you eat some cheese.
TODDLER: Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!! Boobies!!! Boobies!!! Boobies!!! Boobies!!! Boobies!!! Boo...
ADULT: Fine. Here, have a blueberry.
TODDLER: Boobies!!! (Smiles and eats the blueberry.)
ADULT: Now, will you eat some cheese?
TODDLER: More boobies! More boobies!

*Have you ever had someone poop in their chair at a dinner party? Invite a toddler and it'll probably happen.

*Would you like your dinner guests to fall asleep at the table? It's a toddler specialty!

Did she fall asleep because of the food or the conversation?

So, yes, if you want people to be talking about your dinner party for days (saying things like, "How did I get mashed potatoes on the back of my shirt?") be sure to invite a toddler.

Because toddlers make the best dinner guests!


Edited from a post originally published on 1/31/2017.