Tuesday, August 28, 2018

In Defense of Hawaiian Pizza

Pizza is delicious! It's one thing almost everyone can agree on. It's the do-it-all meal featuring bread, sauce, cheese, meat (usually), veggies (sometimes), and even fruit (occasionally.)

Yes, I said "fruit." You see, there is a wide variety of foodstuffs that you put on top of a pizza, and most of those things are accepted by everyone. Oh, you may not like a particular topping, but you generally recognize that someone else might like that topping, and you're fine if they have that topping on their pizza. (Even anchovies.) And that's the way it should be. But, some people draw the line at pineapple. They'll say that if there is pineapple on it, it can't be called a pizza.

People feel very strongly about this issue. The president of Iceland stated that he wished he could make putting pineapple on pizza against the law. (Like a true politician, he later clarified that he's glad he doesn't have the power to tell people what to put on their pizzas. He then made a recommendation for seafood toppings, further eroding any authority he might have on the subject.) Meanwhile, a friend of mine who thinks he's an authority on the subject because he has an Italian last name once wrote, "If it has pineapple on it, IT ISN'T PIZZA!!!!!!" That's some serious ALL CAPS, plus six exclamation points, if anyone is counting. (And apparently, I am.)

That's a GOOD LOOKING PIZZA!!!!!!! (With seven exclamation points, if anyone is counting.)

I'm not sure why these people have decided that pineapple is the one topping that they must make a stand against. Are they afraid of pineapple? Is it too delicious? Were they emotionally scarred by that Tiki episode of The Brady Bunch? Do they think pineapple will be a gateway fruit, paving the way for bananas or mangoes?

Everyone has toppings they don't like. Personally, I can't stand green peppers; I think they are insidious and disgusting, and their smell and taste overpower any other pizza ingredient they are paired with. And yet, I'm perfectly fine if someone wants to put green peppers on their pizza, as long as they keep them off of my pizza. I'm not going to declare, "if it has green peppers, IT ISN'T PIZZA," because I'm willing to allow others the freedom to choose their own pizza toppings. (This is, after all, 'Merica!)

Meat! Cheese! Veggies! And, yes, fruit!
There's such a great variety of toppings that can be put on a pizza, it's a shame to limit them. Just a few years ago, I had never heard of BBQ/chicken/pineapple pizza, or pizza with chicken, spinach, and alfredo sauce. And yet now, I would be quite happy eating either of those pizzas alongside my pepperoni and/or sausage.

So, I will have pineapple on my pizza, whether you like it or not. And I will call it a pizza, whether you agree or not. And my suggestion to you would be to get your own pizza, and put whatever you want on it. And enjoy that pizza, because pizza is delicious!

(Having said all that: anchovies? Really?)

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