My Aunt Took Me to My First R-Rated Movie

I grew up in a fairly conservative Mormon household. My parents weren't as strict as some (Coca-Cola and Pepsi occasionally found their way into our house), but there was no alcohol, no tobacco, and no coffee. I didn't even see any PG-13 rated movies until I was 18 years old! (Of course, that's because they didn't come out with the PG-13 rating until after I was 18 years old.)

I wasn't allowed to see R-rated movies. The "R" stands for "restricted," you know. And as long as I was living at home, I was restricted by my parents from seeing any R-rated movies.

That's why I was so surprised the night my aunt took me to my first R-rated movie.

RESTRICTED: UNDER 17 REQUIRES ACCOMPANYING PARENT OR ADULT GUARDIAN

It was a long time ago, and I don't remember all of the specifics about it. I just remember that my aunt (we'll call her Auntie R for the sake of anonymity) offered to take my brother and I out to see a movie. I was 14 years old at the time, and my brother was 18. The small town we lived in (Arimo, Idaho) was 30 miles away from the movie theaters of the "big city" of Pocatello, so it was always a pretty big deal when we were able to make the drive and see a movie.

I don't believe my brother and I knew which movie we were going to when we left home, and I'm sure if my parents had known it was rated R they wouldn't have let me go. But, we made our drive in to Pocatello, and the movie Auntie R chose for us to see was Stir Crazy, a comedy starring Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor about two guys who get framed for bank robbery and sent to prison. Yes, my aunt took me to an R-rated prison movie!

As we got to the theater I was a bit trepidatious. Here I was, a 14 year-old, and I was walking into an R-rated movie! Can you get arrested for that? Of course, my fears were unfounded, because: A) It says "requires accompanying parent or adult guardian," and Auntie R was definitely an adult; and 2) Lots of regular 14 year-olds went to R-rated movies by means of sneaking, lying about their age, or the general indifference of movie theater ticket salespeople. I didn't know that at the time, though. I thought I was living on the edge of lawlessness.

The movie was rated R because of, according to the IMDB parental guide "at least 6 F-words," and "several shots of breasts in one scene in a topless bar." The F-words didn't bother me much (I'd heard that word plenty around the junior high halls.) But, I definitely remember the topless bar scene. And I mostly remember it because of how unnecessary it was. The scene was some guys talking in a bar. It just so happened that it was a topless bar and there were naked women dancing behind the guys as they were talking. The dancers added absolutely nothing to the scene except, you know, their naked breasts.

I honestly can't remember if Auntie R covered my eyes, my brother covered my eyes, or if I covered my own eyes, but I know there was a bit of on-the-spot censorship that transpired during the topless bar scene of Stir Crazy.

In a recent conversation with Auntie R, I asked her if she remembered corrupting me by taking me to my first R-rated movie. She said she didn't recall it at all. She said she must have thought "R" stood for "Religious." (That's Auntie R's attempt at a joke.) She says she probably didn't even realize it was rated R--she just wanted to see a funny Gene Wilder movie. For those of you old enough to remember, Gene Wilder had quite a run of good, funny movies, like The Producers, Blazing Saddles, and Young Frankenstein. For those of you too young to remember, you probably best know Gene Wilder as the Willy Wonka meme guy:

So, your aunt took you to an R-rated movie when you were 14. Tell me how that ruined your life.

My aunt took me to my first R-rated movie. In the end, it wasn't really that big of a deal. Of course, I don't think we ever told my parents about it. So, Mom, if you're reading this: I went to an R-rated movie when I was 14.

(I hope she doesn't ground me.)