Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Little-Known Made-Up Facts (President's Day Edition)

In honor of President's Day, which we just celebrated, here are a few little-known made-up facts about some Presidents of the United States.

Little-known made-up fact: One of the best things about little-known made-up facts is that you can just make them up as you go. (Kind of like Fake News, only fakier.)

Little-known made-up fact: George Washington decided against a third term as president because he was tired of the paparazzi.

Little-known made-up fact: One of Ronald Reagan's first acting jobs was as a flying monkey in The Wizard of Oz.

Little-known made-up fact: When he was a boy, Abraham Lincoln would usually choose to play with Tinker Toys instead of Lincoln Logs.

Lincoln didn't grow a mustache because he thought it might distract from his mole.
Little-known made-up fact: Lyndon B. Johnson once appeared on an episode of Star Trek as a Klingon crewman.

Little-known made-up fact: Among the many reasons Bill Clinton was disappointed his wife, Hillary, didn't win the election is that Bill wanted to return to the White House to see if he could find the stash of KitKat bars he left hidden in the Lincoln bedroom back in 1999.

Little-known made-up fact: Female admirers of John Quincy Adams (of which there were many) were known as the "Q-tees."

Little-known made-up fact: From 1912 until 1932 the little-known Alliterative Alliance of America held a powerful sway over voters, being a key power player in the elections of Woodrow Wilson, Calvin Coolidge, and Herbert Hoover.

Little-known made-up fact: John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe would secretly meet up once a week in order to watch Gunsmoke. (They took turns dressing up as Miss Kitty.)

Little-known made-up fact: Accordion sales skyrocketed in 1844 when the election of James K. Polk ushered in a popular wave of polka music in America.

Little-known made-up fact: When he was seven years old, Donald Trump's parents threw him a birthday party. It was the most well-attended birthday party ever!

Trump's birthday party. (It was yuge!)

Little-known made-up fact:When Gerald Ford pardoned Richard Nixon, he thought he was pardoning the Thanksgiving Day turkey.

Little-known made-up fact: Rutherford B. Hayes was such a horrible president that since he left office not one child in America has been named "Rutherford."

Little-known made-up fact: As a hobby, Theodore Roosevelt liked to design women's sleepwear.

Little-known made-up fact: Now that he is no longer in office, Barack Obama has volunteered to appear on Saturday Night Live as one of the members of Donald Trump's cabinet. (He has not yet gotten a call.)

Little-known made-up fact: William Henry Harrison was known to close friends as "Billy Hank."

Little-known made-up fact: Jimmy Carter was once attacked while in a boat by a large, mean, crazed swamp rabbit. (Wait. Maybe I didn't make this one up.)

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