Tuesday, December 13, 2016

An Ode to Egg Nog

There are two kinds of people: those who love eggnog, and those who are wrong.

What exactly is eggnog, anyway? Is it milk? Is it eggs? Is it a milkshake? Is it dessert? Is it a drink? Is it a way of life? I really don't know, and I really don't care. What I do know is that eggnog is delicious. That's all I really need to know.

There are some people who don't like eggnog. I don't know what is wrong with these people. Are they missing a small part of their soul? The part of the soul that recognizes deliciousness? These people seem normal, but they aren't. They're walking around with the inability to acknowledge what tastes good. Let's hope it's just a blind spot for eggnog. Let's hope it's not all inclusive. Let's hope they can still enjoy bacon.

Some people say they don't like eggnog because of the film it leaves on everything. It's true; eggnog leaves a residue in its wake. If you drink a glass full of eggnog, after you finish the inside wall of the glass will still be coated with a small layer of eggnog.

I'm perfectly fine with nog lining my stomach like it does this glass.
This grosses out some people. Not me. I like to think that when I drink eggnog, it coats the entire lining of my stomach with a protective lining of deliciousness, making everything around it happier and better.

I come by my love of eggnog even though I don't drink alcohol. For some people, eggnog is just a vehicle for delivering rum. And I can understand that. (I like the smell of rum. If I did drink alcohol I'm pretty sure I'd prefer rum to beer. Having grown up on a wheat farm, the smell of beer reminds me of rotted, mice-infested wheat.) But, I clearly think that the eggnog can stand on its own merit, without any alcoholic enhancements.

What makes me sad, though, is that eggnog is not available all year. It starts to appear in the stores around Halloween time, but disappears shortly after New Year's Day. I don't understand this. The fabulousness that is eggnog should be enjoyed year-round! Wouldn't President's Day be better with eggnog? Easter eggs are quite popular; why not nog up some of those eggs? What could be better than 4th of July fireworks and eggnog?

If Donald Trump really wants to "Make America Great Again," he could start by making eggnog available all year long!

Making America great again...one carton at a time!

So, let's all give the nod to eggnog!

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