Excerpts From Conversations I've Heard

These are some excerpts from conversations I have actually heard.

The cast of characters:
Me: Slow Joe, former 40 year-old virgin, current father of three.
The Wife: My lovely and wonderful wife.
The Girl: My seven year-old girl.
The Boy: My five year-old boy.
The Baby: My eight month-old baby girl.

Excerpt #1:
THE BOY: "Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad?"
ME: "What?"
THE BOY: "Dad? Dad?"
ME: "What!?"
THE BOY: "Dad, is the moon part of the United States?"
ME: "No."
THE BOY: "It's not?"
ME: "No, it's not."
THE GIRL: "The moon isn't part of the United States. It's in outer space."
THE BOY: "Outer space?"
THE GIRL: "Yup. So is the sun. The sun is in outer space, too."
THE BOY: "Outer space? Wow!!!"
THE BOY: "Dad, is Wyoming part of the United States?"

Excerpt #2:
(We were at Salt Lake City's Hogle Zoo, where they have a couple of water fountains that look like cartoon lions.)

A rainy day at the zoo with The Girl, The Boy, and the lion water fountain.

THE GIRL: "Can I sit in the lion's mouth so it looks like he's eating me?"

ME: "No."

THE GIRL: "Can I put my head in its mouth so it looks like he's eating me?"

ME: "No."

THE BOY: "This is a lion water fountain. This is where lions get drinks from. Only lions can drink out of this water fountain."

Excerpt #3:

(THE WIFE was holding THE BABY, and THE BABY was looking especially cute.)

THE WIFE (to THE BABY): "You are so cute I could just eat you up!"

THE WIFE (to THE BOY): "Should I eat up your baby sister?"

THE BOY: "No!!!"

THE WIFE: "Why not?"

THE BOY: "I don't want her to turn into poop!"

Excerpt #4:

THE GIRL: "What if my school were made of chocolate?"

THE BOY: "What if my school were made of chocolate?"

THE GIRL: "The walls would be chocolate and the doors would be chocolate."

THE BOY: "The windows would be chocolate!"

THE GIRL: "The desks would be chocolate, and I would eat them if I got hungry."

THE BOY: "I would eat the doors of your school."

THE GIRL: "No! Don't eat the doors of my school! I'll eat the windows of your school!"

THE BOY: "Don't! I'll eat the walls at your school!"

THE GIRL: "No!!! If you do, then I'll eat the roof of your school!"

THE BOY: "Don't eat my roof!"

ME: "Hey! Kids, stop fighting over your imaginary chocolate schools!"

[DING! And we have a winner in this month's edition of Sentences That Have Never Before Been Uttered: "Kids, stop fighting over your imaginary chocolate schools!"]