It's Apparent You're a Parent

It's apparent you're a parent when you attempt to put your work gloves on and find a fruit snack in one of the fingers.

It's apparent you're a parent when there are more than four hours of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on your DVR.

It's apparent you're a parent when you need a band-aid and are forced to choose between "Strawberry Shortcake" or "The Muppets."

It's apparent you're a parent when you have half a dozen used Kleenex in your pocket, and you haven't used any of them.

It's apparent you're a parent when you start speaking in rhymes because you've been reading Dr. Seuss all day.

It's apparent you're a parent when you can name every character on Super Why (Super Why, Wonder Red, Princess Pea, and Alpha Pig) but can only name one member of the President's Cabinet. (Jon Kerry just replaced Hilary Clinton, right?)

It's apparent you're a parent if you've even heard of the show Super Why.

It's apparent you're a parent when your chicken nuggets are shaped like dinosaurs.

It's apparent you're a parent when you know which McDonald's have PlayPlaces and which ones don't.

It's apparent you're a parent when you know the entire PBS mid-day schedule.

It's apparent you're a parent when you go out to eat at one of your favorite places and, along with your food, you get a cup full of tokens.

It's apparent you're a parent when you are a heterosexual man and you take a large green bag with ducks on it with you wherever you go. (Thankfully we have since upgraded to a more "manly" diaper bag.) (Assuming, of course, that any diaper bag could be considered "manly.")

It's apparent you're a parent if you've ever uttered the phrase, "Don't lick the pool water!" (I borrowed that one from The Wife.)

It's apparent you're a parent if you notice whether or not the public restroom has a diaper changing station or not. (And you're a little indignant if it doesn't.)

It's apparent you're a parent if you see kids behaving badly and mutter to yourself, "Well, at least that's not my kid. (This time.)"

It's apparent you're a parent if, when fueling up the car, you make faces through the windows in hopes of getting a smile or two in return. (And it makes forking out $50 for a tank of gas seem almost worth it.)

It's apparent you're a parent if you know what time the school bus comes every morning, not because your kids are old enough to get on it, but because seeing the bus pull up across the street is one of the highlights of their day.

It's apparent you're a parent when you no longer get to sit next to your wife at church. Instead you're each on one end of the row, hoping to contain the kids in between you.

It's apparent you're a parent when you wish, for more than one reason, that Barbie would wear clothes that weren't so tight fitting. 1) So your daughter doesn't think she can wear clothes that tight; and B) so you can change her clothes without it seeming like you are trying to peel a grape.

It's apparent you're a parent when the lock on the bathroom door is the most used, trusted, and important lock in the entire house.

It's apparent you're a parent when you've finally found an audience that will laugh every time you try to use a banana as a phone.

It's apparent you're a parent when there's a smile on your face whenever you think about them.