Tuesday, October 22, 2019

10 Things You Find In Every Doctor's Office

I recently had to go to the doctor's office. While there, I realized that almost every doctor's office looks the same. It's like they all have a subscription to Doctor's Office Decor magazine. Here are just a few of the things you'll find in every doctor's office:

The Waiting Room:

*A coffee table full of magazines--These are mostly magazines you would never have in your home, like Diabetic Living, Parents Today, Highlights, and, of course, Doctor's Office Decor. Oh sure, there will occasionally be something almost useful, like Sports Illustrated or Time, but mostly it's Eating Well, or AARP: The Magazine.

All the magazines you would never read--unless you are bored out of your mind.

*A corner designated for kid toys--And when I say "kid toys," I mostly mean those bead mazes that features colorful beads on curvy, bright colored wires--the kind of toy that kids will play with for two minutes before getting bored.

*A television showing a kids' movie--Gotta keep those kids quiet and entertained.

*A screen (television or computer) showing some kind of health infotainment--This will show about ten or fifteen minutes of "how to stay healthy" information on a loop. Most people will pay attention to it for about 45 seconds.

It's the kid corner, complete with bead mazes and a Pixar movie.
(Back when I was a kid, all we had was a darn Highlights magazine.)
*Large, soothing framed pictures on the wall--Whether they are photographs or paintings, these pictures are usually either nature scenes or abstract art. (Because pictures of sick people probably wouldn't be the best idea.)

The Examination Room:

*Little glass jars full of tongue depressors and cotton balls--Someone, somewhere, thinks that there are a nearly unlimited amount of tongues that need to be depressed. (But why glass jars? Does a doctor need to be able to see the tongue depressors to know that they are there?)

"If only I could find those tongue depressors," said no doctor ever.

*A small desk with a computer and a short little chair/stool on wheels--Apparently, it's important for the health care professionals to be able to roll to any spot in the examination room. Also, would it kill them to have some internet access on those computers? It might help keep the patients from losing their patience as they wait for the doctor.

*The medical waste disposal box for old syringes--If you touch this, you will die!

*Rubber glove dispenser--Strangely enough, the rubber gloves just stay in the box they came in, unlike the tongue depressors.

Rubber gloves on the wall. (In three convenient sizes.)

*The three-and-a-half foot long examination "bed"--This is the centerpiece of every examination room. And don't worry, it's got an extension that can be pulled out to make the "bed" four-and-a-half feet, so you can get really comfortable. It's so comfortable, in fact, that I'm thinking about getting some wax paper to cover my bed at home. (It would save a lot of time and effort in washing the sheets.)

So high off the ground that if you sit, your feet dangle.
So short that if you lay down, your feet dangle.
(Apparently, they really want your feet to dangle.)

[NOTE: Earlier, you probably thought I made up some magazine titles like, Eating Well, and AARP: The Magazine. I assure you, I did not. Here's proof:

I'll let you think what you will of Doctor's Office Decor.]

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