The Delusional Dad

Is it because I'm too optimistic? Maybe I'm naive. Or, perhaps, I'm just downright delusional.

That's probably it. I'm a delusional dad.

I'm a delusional dad because I thought that once our baby started sleeping through the night, that she would always sleep through the night.

I'm a delusional dad because I thought that getting a kid potty trained meant that I would never again have to deal with their poop and/or pee.

I'm a delusional dad because I thought the laundry was actually finished.

I'm a delusional dad because I thought I might be able to sneakily eat a cookie without one of my kids noticing.

I'm a delusional dad for thinking that there might come a time when I could eat a cookie without trying to sneak it.

I'm a delusional dad for thinking I might be able to sit in a chair without a toddler using me as a jungle gym.

I'm a delusional dad for believing that locking the bathroom door would mean I could actually go to the bathroom with a modicum of privacy.

I'm a delusional dad for thinking I could eat my breakfast while it is still warm.

I'm a delusional dad for thinking that the dishes were actually finished.

I'm a delusional dad for thinking that the kids could and would do their chores every day without a little parental nagging reminder.

I'm a delusional dad for thinking that my children might like me more than they like their Grammy or PopPop. (Or Uncle Baby-Hog, or Cousin Alex.)

I'm a delusional dad for thinking that anything I own is still where I put it last and hasn't been moved by one of my children.

I'm a delusional dad for thinking I could ever have a telephone conversation with another adult without interrupting it to tell one of my children not to climb on top of the piano.

I'm a delusional dad because I thought the front room was actually clean.

I'm a delusional dad for thinking I could actually predict when and where my children might nap.

I'm a delusional dad for thinking that just because the kids are quiet must mean that they are asleep.

I'm a delusional dad for thinking that my kids would never try to eat a magic marker.

I'm a delusional dad for thinking that all of the bath water would stay in the bathtub.

I'm delusional because, despite all of this, I'm very glad that I'm a dad.